It isn’t a secret. There is no doubt in anyones mind that death will come, but the question I always have is what happens after?
Not so much spiritually, because I’ve learned that it isn’t worth questioning, because we will never truly know outside of what we believe.
I question what is said after, what is talked about, who says what about me, who shows up to my funeral that I hadn’t talked to in years, or who shows up that used to talk down to me. That is what I question, that is what I work for.
My biggest drive in life is my legacy, it is what I leave behind, what I leave for my friends and family to talk about. Not the money, but the actions.
There is SO much negativity in this world, and so many people spend their entire lives being negative, rude, hurtful, and are more focused on themselves than they are on helping someone else. So many people would rather talk about all the bad in the world than they would the good, and that is devastating to me.
One day, maybe soon, maybe a long time away, you are going to die. You may not know when, you may not have the heads up, and if you don’t, how will the world remember you?
You don’t get to come back and fix the relationships, or rebuild the bridges, or apologize for the comment that made that person stay up late crying. It is done with, you made your bed, and now you have to sleep in it.
The comments you leave on someones status, the messages you send to someone, the things you say in person or behind their back all matter. You don’t want to admit it, you don’t want to think it matters, but it does.
No body wants to think about the consequences to their actions because they know it wouldn’t be good, no one wants to listen to WHY it matters, because we are all too busy. We are all too tired. We are all too tired.
We are all too good.
But one day, you will die, and one day, people will be telling stories about the impact you left on their life, the time you made them laugh. Or the time you made them cry. Or the time you made them hopeful, or faithful, or thankful. Or, suicidal.
If I could challenge everyone to do one thing, one thing every day moving forward, it is to be aware. Be self-aware of what you say and do, and be aware of those who you engage with, what they say, do, or imply.
Every day we make our beds, and one day we will need to be able to sleep in them — will you be able to?
Like seriously…it does…I promise…
Many don’t know this, but I was raised in a household with an alcoholic who was emotionally and mentally abusive to a women who he loved , who was stuck in a hole of not knowing if she could raiser her only son on her own.
For many years now I have suffered from depression, suicidal thoughts, and constant unknowing of why I am even here.
It was an uphill battle. It still is. For a long time I never believed anyone who told me it would get better. I figured it was a joke, it has to be one, how could life get any better when I was in this downward spiral. Even when my mom got out of the marriage, it then was “what bill should I pay first? Which can we go a few weeks without if it gets shut off?” It was not knowing if the bills would get paid, if the lights would be shut off, it was not seeing my mom much because she was working 60, 70, 80 hours a week so I could live a better life.
Yet, people still told me it will get better , even my mom told me that.
And honestly, till about 6 months ago, I didn’t believe them. How could I?
Sure, the therapist who is getting paid $200/hour will continue to get better . Or a relative who lives 500 miles away and can walk away from the problem I have to live with can say it. But really, how would it?
I don’t blame them for telling me it. They wanted to help. They tried to, but at the end of the day it is hard to believe them knowing that they aren’t living through it.
And what does “better” even mean? Like one less hour of being yelled at? One minute of an actual smile out of 23 hours and 59 minutes of thinking of ending my life?
Better means different. I don’t want different. I want happiness.
Life does get better though. Honestly, it truly does.
When you are young you are living by someone else’s rules, you are living someone else’s life basically, I had a lot of freedom, but I wasn’t free, I wasn’t an individual yet.
When I graduated high school, it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. When I got a job I loved, it was like life was happier, the world was better in my eyes. I saw more good than bad, and when I saw bad I forced myself to see the good in it.
Does it really get better ? Can you really be happy?
Yes. If you want it to be better, whatever your definition of better is, yes. You have to want it though. It doesn’t come easily. It doesn’t come overnight. But it does come with the right mindset.
Life does get better .