Like seriously…it does…I promise…
Many don’t know this, but I was raised in a household with an alcoholic who was emotionally and mentally abusive to a women who he loved , who was stuck in a hole of not knowing if she could raiser her only son on her own.
For many years now I have suffered from depression, suicidal thoughts, and constant unknowing of why I am even here.
It was an uphill battle. It still is. For a long time I never believed anyone who told me it would get better. I figured it was a joke, it has to be one, how could life get any better when I was in this downward spiral. Even when my mom got out of the marriage, it then was “what bill should I pay first? Which can we go a few weeks without if it gets shut off?” It was not knowing if the bills would get paid, if the lights would be shut off, it was not seeing my mom much because she was working 60, 70, 80 hours a week so I could live a better life.
Yet, people still told me it will get better , even my mom told me that.
And honestly, till about 6 months ago, I didn’t believe them. How could I?
Sure, the therapist who is getting paid $200/hour will continue to get better . Or a relative who lives 500 miles away and can walk away from the problem I have to live with can say it. But really, how would it?
I don’t blame them for telling me it. They wanted to help. They tried to, but at the end of the day it is hard to believe them knowing that they aren’t living through it.
And what does “better” even mean? Like one less hour of being yelled at? One minute of an actual smile out of 23 hours and 59 minutes of thinking of ending my life?
Better means different. I don’t want different. I want happiness.
Life does get better though. Honestly, it truly does.
When you are young you are living by someone else’s rules, you are living someone else’s life basically, I had a lot of freedom, but I wasn’t free, I wasn’t an individual yet.
When I graduated high school, it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. When I got a job I loved, it was like life was happier, the world was better in my eyes. I saw more good than bad, and when I saw bad I forced myself to see the good in it.
Does it really get better ? Can you really be happy?
Yes. If you want it to be better, whatever your definition of better is, yes. You have to want it though. It doesn’t come easily. It doesn’t come overnight. But it does come with the right mindset.
Life does get better .